won't let go

I want to learn shit, I really do, but everything is really daunting. Math and physics are fucking scary okay? I would love to become an astrophysicist if it meant I could have that knowledge downloaded directly into my brain. Studying plants seems so much more gratifying in that I can touch the things I’m studying. I’m visual. I wish I was mathematical. Ultimately my career choice comes down to my neural strengths and weaknesses and I just need something to look at while I work on it. It’s good to know that the field of astronomy is overcrowded though. If I’m not there to receive alien transmissions, at least somebody else will get them. I know I have a lot of potential no matter where I focus myself, but I might as well go into a field with lots of careers and where I know I can do really good work. Physics would just send me into an existential crisis every week and that’s simply not productive.

For now I’ll just live vicariously through Jodie Foster every couple of months when I feel the urge to watch Contact yet again. Maybe in a couple decades society will have advanced enough to where a college education doesn’t cost your soul and I can test the mathematical waters. Or we’ll just hit the computer upload and who needs college when you can store yourself on a zip drive? Oh god time to freak out about neural upload. Won’t be sleeping tonight.