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In the swamplands long ago,
Where the weeds and mudglumps grow,
A Yipiyuk bit on my toe…
Exactly why I do not know.
I kicked and cried
And hollered “Oh”—
The Yipiyuk would not let go.
I whispered to him soft and low—
The Yipiyuk would not let go.
I shouted “Stop,” “Desist” and “Whoa”—
The Yipiyuk would not let go.
Yes, it was sixteen years ago,
The Yipiyuk still won’t let go.
The snow may fall,
The winds may blow—
The Yipiyuk will not let go.
The snow may melt,
The grass may grow—
The Yipiyuk will not let go.
I drag him ‘round each place I go.
This Yipiyuk that won’t let go.
And now my child at last you know
Exactly why I walk so slow.
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I had an epic dream last night.
In my dream I knew it was going to be epic, it was like I was watching a movie only I was a bit part in it? I don’ t know. So Stephen Colbert is the president and Jon Stewart is like, idk, some guy, it doesn’t matter. Colbert’s like oh my god, you have to see this video, so they set up a projection, and the video goes like this: It’s some country guy (that looks suspiciously like one of my classmates) singing about how great America is, and it sounds a bit auto-tuned. The whole thing is pretty terrible. After it’s done Jon is like dude. That was kind of terrible. And Colbert goes no man! This was completely computer generated. And Jon just kind of stares at him. And then Jon leaps on top of him on the couch and they start making out.